Feeling Loved

Hi Friends,

So recently I have been thinking a lot about the whole concept of feeling like you belong and how we are taught that it is something we should strive for. This is something I have struggled with a lot the past few years. My biggest example of what I am talking about is the way I have felt with almost every volleyball team I have ever been on. I have always loved the other girls on my teams and I have had some great friends on these teams but I can't really say that I have ever felt like I belonged on the teams I have been on. I was always just a little bit different than everyone else. I think for awhile I convinced myself that I was the only person that felt this way, that I was the only person insecure about what my place was with people. I also didn't only feel this way with my team, I also felt out of place with most friends and other groups I was involved in.

Earlier today, I had a conversation about this with a friend of mine. After talking about how I felt like I didn't belong with some people, I started to question if that was really what mattered most to me.

I realized that feeling like you belong isn't necessarily the most important thing to me anymore. After thinking about it I realized that even if I maybe never have felt like I belonged somewhere, I also never felt that I was not cared for or loved. The people I surround myself with don't really understand everything about me and yes I like different things than a lot of the people I spend most of my time with but the people I surround myself with are amazing and kind people who do have my best interest in mind, who care about my feelings, and who care if I am happy or not, so if I really think about it I would take that any day over feeling like I belonged.

My overall point of this is that I think we as a society should change our mindset and stop striving to feel like we fit in or belong and start striving to find the right people to surround ourselves with. Find the people that love you for you. Find the people that want to see you succeed, that want to hear your annoying weird rants because they like seeing you passionate about something, and that allow you to not feel like you ever have to pretend or try to be someone you are not, because those are the people you want in your life. Those are the people that will make you a better person. 

Also, I want to make sure that if you are reading this, you realize that it is okay to want to feel like you belong, that is a very human and normal feeling to have, but I think feeling loved and cared for is much more important and will have a much bigger effect on you than a feeling of belonging. 

This has been a really random and back and forth post but it was something I wanted to share so I hope it wasn't too confusing to follow!

These are a few people who have always made me feel loved no matter what and I am forever grateful for them!

Until Next Time,

Morgan

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2016

Hi friends,

As you can guess from the title, this post is all about the future and not the past. If you want to hear about what 2015 was like for me then you can read all about it here, but this post is focused on 2016. As most people do when the new year comes around, I love coming up with all these fabulous resolutions that I usually give up on after just a few weeks. However, this year I have a few resolutions that I am definitely going to try to make last the long haul and I really encourage all of you to try as well!

RESOLUTION #1

For starters, I am going to pick the obvious "be healthier/lose weight" except I want to put my own little twist on it. Instead of starting some insanely restrictive diet, try to start eating more natural foods, cook more instead of eating out. I want to be completely aware of what I am putting in my body and how I am fueling it. Instead of starting some seriously strenuous exercise program, try to  start being more active, go for more lake walks, go on adventures, get out of your room and go see what the world has to offer outside of your computer. This will also help with not only having a healthy body but also a heathy soul!

RESOLUTION #2

I recently read a blog post that has been going around about getting engaged this year, not in the ring on your finger kind of way, but the pay more attention to the world around you kind of way. I want to stop having my phone out when I am talking to someone. I want to have actual conversations with people not just your standard hellos and how are yous. I want to connect with people like never before.

RESOLUTION #3

This one is something everyone could probably do a little better, and I could do a whole lot better at....allow people to love you for you. Now this sort of sounds weird but it is something I am truly horrible at. My whole life this has been a huge struggle for me. I don't truly let people love me, or even get to know me. I let people in on enough so they believe they are close with me but I never truly let people in. In a way this sort of makes me out to be manipulative. I promise you that is not the purpose of why I act like this. I am just so scared that if I let someone get too close to me, they will realize just how crazy I am and want nothing to do with me. So I would rather be the person someone wants me to be than be the person I am. However, this year I want to make a conscious effort to truly be myself, and to realize I am worthy of love and to stop pushing people away so easily. 

RESOLUTION #4

This one kind of goes with the previous but, LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF! Every single person could do better at this, well everyone except Kanye maybe, he loves himself a lot. Back to the point, take care of yourselves, people! Take care of your body, something I have never truly done, but I hope to do starting now. Fuel your body with good food, not processed junk!  Take care of your soul. If you are religious, find a church you like or a group of like-minded people and surround yourself with them. If you connect with nature, go on more hikes, go camping! Just get out in nature as much as possible! Find your safe place! Go to more yoga classes, read more, get coffee with your friends and agree to put your phones away and just enjoy each others presences! It will pay off in the end!

Some of these go hand in hand with each other, but they are all important. It's a new year, guys. The world is your oyster. Take advantage of this fresh start and make your personal resolutions last!

Until Next Time,

Morgan Renee

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2015

Hi friends,

The new year is finally here and I couldn't be more excited....or scared, if I am being honest. The past year was super crazy, filled with huge life changes, a lot of goodbyes, and a lot of hellos. Looking back I realized 2015 was a fairly monumental year for me. I graduated high school, moved out of my home of 18 years, and went to college to fulfill a dream of mine of being a collegiate athlete. I can honestly say that at this time just one short year ago, I thought I had my life figured out...well, at least my life for the next year. Boy, was I wrong.

 I never thought I was the girl who would be sad to leave high school, but on the night of graduation as I sat in my friends garage for one last time with all my friends, I realized that if I had the chance to have another year with my beautiful, insane, and hilarious friends, I absolutely would. I never thought I would get homesick after only a week at college, but I definitely was crying in my room multiple times that first week...which for the record is a very okay thing to do. You will miss home, no matter how cool you think you are. However, those first few tough weeks away, I learned that even though I complained every chance I got throughout high school, I actually did not have the worst time in the world in high school. I had the best parents ever, some truly special friends that I will always keep close to my heart no matter what, and I made some incredible memories that I will never forget. 

This time last year, I never thought that in just one short year, I would no longer be playing the sport I had been playing for the past 10 years. I had never had any form of serious injury going into 2015. However, in June, just a few short weeks before the Junior National Championships for volleyball my wonderful, yet insanely powerful, teammate hit me in the head and I was diagnosed with my first concussion. I was cleared to play just 2 days before the competition started and with one practice under my belt, I flew to New Orleans for my final club tournament. All went well until the second to last match where I got hit once again....if you cannot tell already I have quite horrid reaction time. However, there was no way I was going to miss my last club game so I sucked it up and played and in the moment felt fine. Two days after this tournament I packed up my stuff and headed to Lubbock, Tx to start training for my first collegiate season. After a short two weeks though, I was back to being sidelined due to a back injury. The recovery time for this was a month, but at the time it felt like a year. Slowly, but surely I made my way back. Until August 24 when I got kicked in the face with a ball...I really should just start coming up with much cooler stories to all these injuries. Sadly I was diagnosed with another concussion, this one though took almost 2 months recover from. However, after seeing multiple concussion specialists, I finally got released...for a short 3 weeks until during our warm up for K-state, I was hit yet again. So long story short, with so many concussions in such a short time, my parents, doctors, athletic trainers, coaches, and myself made the decision that it was time for me to close this chapter life. Never in a million years could I have predicted this is how my first semester of college would go. Even if closing a chapter of your life is the right thing to do, that does not mean it is easy to do and leaving volleyball has definitely not been an easy thing to do. 

Even though 2015 had some truly difficult times, there were also amazing and beautiful moments as well. My relationship with my parents, which has never been bad or anything, grew so much. They are truly my best friends, I know I could not have survived the past six months if it weren't for them. My teammates at Texas Tech, became so much more than just teammates, they became family. My new Lubbock family was there for me in ways they probably don't even realize. I cannot thank them enough for dragging me out of bed for movie marathons, for taco tuesdays, for bringing me candy after my doctor's appointments, for letting me crash on their couches when I didn't want to be alone, and for letters slipped under my door. My athletic trainer, Imelda Garcia, who is truly God's gift to the world, had to deal with me more than anyone should ever have to. I cannot thank her enough for everything from going with me to every doctor's appointment and MRI with me, for not letting me run away when that was all I wanted to do, and for just being a shoulder to cry on. The world needs more Imelda's. I also got to take the most amazing trip ever in 2015. I got to go to the city of my dreams, London. It was even more magical than I imagined. I am already planning when I can go back because it was the most perfect week ever. 

I spent too long the past few months throwing a pity party for myself, I only saw the negative of the past year, but now I realize how much positive existed this past year. It was one of the hardest years of my life, but also one of the most important. So for everyone that I crossed paths with this year, thank you. No matter how big or small of a role you played, you impacted my life and I thank you for that. 

I encourage everyone to reflect on this past year and see the positive not the negative. I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and happy New Year!

Here are some of my favorite memories of 2015!

Love,

Morgan Renee

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Changing Our Vocabulary

Hi friends,

I am very nervous about posting this because I know some people will read this and think that I am "sub-blogging" them or will just not like what I am talking about. So I would like to get it out of the way and just say that this is not about one or two people, it is about many many people that I have either talked to or overheard throughout my entire life. 

Our world is changing and becoming so much more accepting but there is still a lot of progress to be made and I think one of the biggest ways this can occur is through our vocabulary. Regardless of what your opinions on any of this are, we, as a society, need to learn to respect one another. I really do believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and have the right to believing whatever they want to believe, but so many people really struggle with how to have that opinion and not be disrespectful and judge mental towards others who disagree with you. Now I am not saying that I am some saint who never judges someone who disagrees with my opinions because that would not be true but I make an effort to not because I don't think that is fair of me. Anyways, back to the point of this post, I really think there are a few words that we should try to remove from our vocabulary because they can be very offensive but they are so common that you don't even realize you are being offensive when you say it. 

I know I can be very naive about the world, but I like to believe that there is more good than evil in every person I meet. And I like to believe that if people knew how much their words are hurting someone they would stop saying them. I know that this is not always the case, but here are some words that if we could remove them from our vocabulary, or learn how to use them in the right context the world would be a little bit happier.

1. Gay - this word is not an adjective. Just because someone is attracted to someone of the same sex, does not mean they are weak or stupid or uncool. All it means is that they attracted to someone of the same sex. Literally nothing else, well it can also mean happy but thats beside the point.

2. Retarded - I absolutely hate when people use this word as an adjective to describe someone who they believe to be stupid or who has just done something they think is stupid. Retarded does not mean stupid. Retarded is a word that is now pretty dated medically speaking but was used to refer to a mentally challenged person. 

3. Faggot - very similar to number 1. This is a word we should just stop using all together. It is only used to be hurtful. Be kind, people.

4. Racial Slurs - This covers several words that I would prefer not to mention, but I know you know what words I am talking about. The color of a person's skin or where they are from does not determine their worth. It does not mean they don't deserve respect and it shouldn't be used as an insult. What if someone made these comments about you? how would you feel?

These are just a few words and if we could just learn to use them properly and not as an insult it would be a big step towards a happier, better world. Use your words to inspire others, not to tear them down. Many times when people use the words they don't think they are offensive because they are saying them to their friends. You never know how your friends truly feel about them, and you also never know just how many people are listening to what you are saying. 

Be kind and be loving.

Until Next Time,

Morgan

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The Sunday Post

Hi friends,

One of my favorite blogs, Hello-October, makes a post each sunday that she calls the Sunday post. It has always been one of my favorite reads and I always look forward to getting to read it Sunday morning. So I thought I might try it out on here with my blog.

The past two weeks have been crazy to say the least. I think I have experienced every emotion possible since I arrived here in Lubbock. Today marks exactly two weeks since I said good bye to my parents and started living on my own for the first time. 

In these two weeks I have been tested physically and mentally multiple times. I have started college volleyball workouts that have pushed me more than I have ever been physically pushed, but in only two weeks I have already seen such amazing improvement which has been an extremely rewarding feeling. However, I do not think I will ever get used to waking up at 5 a.m. but maybe with time it will get easier. I also have had to navigate my way around a large campus and try not to have a panic attack every time I have 10 minutes to be somewhere and have no idea where I currently am let alone where I am supposed to be going. I have had break downs of missing home, my dogs, my friends, and my family. But it has also been fun getting to meet so many new people and learn so much about myself even in the short time I have been here.

My first week was very hard for me. I am not a very outgoing person until I get to know people so making friends can be very difficult for me. However, I have met so many kind and wonderful people here and they have made it a lot easier for me to not be as closed off. 

I know that this journey will have plenty of ups and downs but I am so excited to see where it takes me!

Until Next Time,

Morgan

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Stop Worrying, Start Living

Hi Friends,

As I have recently moved out and started my college years, I can only sit and laugh at all the little things I spent so much time worrying about that really had a very, very small effect on me. Even if you are not very close to me you probably know that I am a worrier. I constantly over-think and worry about every little thing. I spent countless hours of the last four years worried about if I was in the right friend group, why I didn't have a boyfriend, if I had the perfect date to the dance, or if I was following the latest fashion trend, so to sum it all up I worry A LOT about what people think of me. Well I can honestly say it is not worth your time to worry about these things. It wasn't until this year that I really felt comfortable doing the things I really love. I have had a blog for four years. FOUR FREAKING YEARS and it took me until this year to not feel embarrassed to tell people about it. I think I always wanted to keep things more on the private side because once people read my blog it gave them a reason to judge me, and as much as I would like to pretend I was one of those people who just did not care what others thought of me, I am 100% not that person. I hate the idea of people talking about me when I am not around. I tried to keep so much of me hidden for so long and it is like now this little person is inside of me screaming to get out. I now feel confident that I can tell people what I think and my opinions on things. I feel okay telling people that I love musicals and I think I will always prefer a night in instead of going out and pretending to be someone I am not, and that took a really long time for me to accept. I was so scared that people wouldn't accept me because I personally chose some different things than a lot of my peers to be interested in. However, I have now learned that those things really don't matter. Do what you love. Do what you want to do. Being concerned of what someone else thinks holds you back not them.

I am not saying I am now one those people who just doesn't care at all what others think because I am far from that person, but now I am making a constant effort to stop worrying. Worrying is a complete waste of time. Don't spend your life worrying about it, spending your life living it. So if you want to dye your hair pink, do it. If you want to monogram everything in your room, do it. DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO, not what your friends, teachers, parents, siblings, or anyone else says or does. You do you and I'll do me.

Until Next Time,

Morgan

P.S. This confidence didn't come overnight. However, with the right friends, you will learn it is a lot easier to be yourself and not worry so much. So here are some of the people that I will forever love because they allowed me to me, and I can never thank them enough for that. 

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Life Chapters - Club Volleyball

Hi friends,

Every person you meet will have few or many "chapters" in their life that they may or may not share with you. These chapters are really a funny thing. I would say for most life chapters you really don't know they are happening or ending until the chapter is completely finished and you are about half way into your next chapter, but sometimes, you do know. And today I did know.

Today, a chapter of my life came to an end. After 8 years of volleyball and 7 years of club volleyball in a skyline jersey, my time in that chapter has ended. Today, I stepped out on the court with some of the greatest people I know to play a sport we all love for one last time. It was a very weird thing. I remember being 12 years old and watching Skyline's 18's team play one of their last games and thinking about how crazy it would be when it would be mine. 7 years later, with one of those 18's players now coaching me, it was my turn to play my last game. Now as some of you know, my volleyball career is far from over, but the next time I step out on a court it will be completely different.

This chapter has been a complete rollercoaster. I would be lying if I said there weren't times that I wanted to end this chapter early but I am so happy I decided to make it to the end. I have met so many beautiful people and learned so many life lessons and I really don't know where I would be without this chapter.

As I am sitting here typing this, it is really starting to hit me. This part of my life ( a part that I really thought would never end) is over. It is a very bittersweet thing. However, I am very excited for the next chapter.

In two days, I will pack up my car and make the 6 hour drive to my new home. I have no idea what Lubbock has in store for me but if it is anything like what my last chapter was like, I absolutely cannot wait.

Until Next Time,

Morgan

P.S. sorry for the bad quality of pictures, I don't know why they look like that!

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