Feeling Loved

Hi Friends,

So recently I have been thinking a lot about the whole concept of feeling like you belong and how we are taught that it is something we should strive for. This is something I have struggled with a lot the past few years. My biggest example of what I am talking about is the way I have felt with almost every volleyball team I have ever been on. I have always loved the other girls on my teams and I have had some great friends on these teams but I can't really say that I have ever felt like I belonged on the teams I have been on. I was always just a little bit different than everyone else. I think for awhile I convinced myself that I was the only person that felt this way, that I was the only person insecure about what my place was with people. I also didn't only feel this way with my team, I also felt out of place with most friends and other groups I was involved in.

Earlier today, I had a conversation about this with a friend of mine. After talking about how I felt like I didn't belong with some people, I started to question if that was really what mattered most to me.

I realized that feeling like you belong isn't necessarily the most important thing to me anymore. After thinking about it I realized that even if I maybe never have felt like I belonged somewhere, I also never felt that I was not cared for or loved. The people I surround myself with don't really understand everything about me and yes I like different things than a lot of the people I spend most of my time with but the people I surround myself with are amazing and kind people who do have my best interest in mind, who care about my feelings, and who care if I am happy or not, so if I really think about it I would take that any day over feeling like I belonged.

My overall point of this is that I think we as a society should change our mindset and stop striving to feel like we fit in or belong and start striving to find the right people to surround ourselves with. Find the people that love you for you. Find the people that want to see you succeed, that want to hear your annoying weird rants because they like seeing you passionate about something, and that allow you to not feel like you ever have to pretend or try to be someone you are not, because those are the people you want in your life. Those are the people that will make you a better person. 

Also, I want to make sure that if you are reading this, you realize that it is okay to want to feel like you belong, that is a very human and normal feeling to have, but I think feeling loved and cared for is much more important and will have a much bigger effect on you than a feeling of belonging. 

This has been a really random and back and forth post but it was something I wanted to share so I hope it wasn't too confusing to follow!

These are a few people who have always made me feel loved no matter what and I am forever grateful for them!

Until Next Time,

Morgan

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2016

Hi friends,

As you can guess from the title, this post is all about the future and not the past. If you want to hear about what 2015 was like for me then you can read all about it here, but this post is focused on 2016. As most people do when the new year comes around, I love coming up with all these fabulous resolutions that I usually give up on after just a few weeks. However, this year I have a few resolutions that I am definitely going to try to make last the long haul and I really encourage all of you to try as well!

RESOLUTION #1

For starters, I am going to pick the obvious "be healthier/lose weight" except I want to put my own little twist on it. Instead of starting some insanely restrictive diet, try to start eating more natural foods, cook more instead of eating out. I want to be completely aware of what I am putting in my body and how I am fueling it. Instead of starting some seriously strenuous exercise program, try to  start being more active, go for more lake walks, go on adventures, get out of your room and go see what the world has to offer outside of your computer. This will also help with not only having a healthy body but also a heathy soul!

RESOLUTION #2

I recently read a blog post that has been going around about getting engaged this year, not in the ring on your finger kind of way, but the pay more attention to the world around you kind of way. I want to stop having my phone out when I am talking to someone. I want to have actual conversations with people not just your standard hellos and how are yous. I want to connect with people like never before.

RESOLUTION #3

This one is something everyone could probably do a little better, and I could do a whole lot better at....allow people to love you for you. Now this sort of sounds weird but it is something I am truly horrible at. My whole life this has been a huge struggle for me. I don't truly let people love me, or even get to know me. I let people in on enough so they believe they are close with me but I never truly let people in. In a way this sort of makes me out to be manipulative. I promise you that is not the purpose of why I act like this. I am just so scared that if I let someone get too close to me, they will realize just how crazy I am and want nothing to do with me. So I would rather be the person someone wants me to be than be the person I am. However, this year I want to make a conscious effort to truly be myself, and to realize I am worthy of love and to stop pushing people away so easily. 

RESOLUTION #4

This one kind of goes with the previous but, LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF! Every single person could do better at this, well everyone except Kanye maybe, he loves himself a lot. Back to the point, take care of yourselves, people! Take care of your body, something I have never truly done, but I hope to do starting now. Fuel your body with good food, not processed junk!  Take care of your soul. If you are religious, find a church you like or a group of like-minded people and surround yourself with them. If you connect with nature, go on more hikes, go camping! Just get out in nature as much as possible! Find your safe place! Go to more yoga classes, read more, get coffee with your friends and agree to put your phones away and just enjoy each others presences! It will pay off in the end!

Some of these go hand in hand with each other, but they are all important. It's a new year, guys. The world is your oyster. Take advantage of this fresh start and make your personal resolutions last!

Until Next Time,

Morgan Renee

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2015

Hi friends,

The new year is finally here and I couldn't be more excited....or scared, if I am being honest. The past year was super crazy, filled with huge life changes, a lot of goodbyes, and a lot of hellos. Looking back I realized 2015 was a fairly monumental year for me. I graduated high school, moved out of my home of 18 years, and went to college to fulfill a dream of mine of being a collegiate athlete. I can honestly say that at this time just one short year ago, I thought I had my life figured out...well, at least my life for the next year. Boy, was I wrong.

 I never thought I was the girl who would be sad to leave high school, but on the night of graduation as I sat in my friends garage for one last time with all my friends, I realized that if I had the chance to have another year with my beautiful, insane, and hilarious friends, I absolutely would. I never thought I would get homesick after only a week at college, but I definitely was crying in my room multiple times that first week...which for the record is a very okay thing to do. You will miss home, no matter how cool you think you are. However, those first few tough weeks away, I learned that even though I complained every chance I got throughout high school, I actually did not have the worst time in the world in high school. I had the best parents ever, some truly special friends that I will always keep close to my heart no matter what, and I made some incredible memories that I will never forget. 

This time last year, I never thought that in just one short year, I would no longer be playing the sport I had been playing for the past 10 years. I had never had any form of serious injury going into 2015. However, in June, just a few short weeks before the Junior National Championships for volleyball my wonderful, yet insanely powerful, teammate hit me in the head and I was diagnosed with my first concussion. I was cleared to play just 2 days before the competition started and with one practice under my belt, I flew to New Orleans for my final club tournament. All went well until the second to last match where I got hit once again....if you cannot tell already I have quite horrid reaction time. However, there was no way I was going to miss my last club game so I sucked it up and played and in the moment felt fine. Two days after this tournament I packed up my stuff and headed to Lubbock, Tx to start training for my first collegiate season. After a short two weeks though, I was back to being sidelined due to a back injury. The recovery time for this was a month, but at the time it felt like a year. Slowly, but surely I made my way back. Until August 24 when I got kicked in the face with a ball...I really should just start coming up with much cooler stories to all these injuries. Sadly I was diagnosed with another concussion, this one though took almost 2 months recover from. However, after seeing multiple concussion specialists, I finally got released...for a short 3 weeks until during our warm up for K-state, I was hit yet again. So long story short, with so many concussions in such a short time, my parents, doctors, athletic trainers, coaches, and myself made the decision that it was time for me to close this chapter life. Never in a million years could I have predicted this is how my first semester of college would go. Even if closing a chapter of your life is the right thing to do, that does not mean it is easy to do and leaving volleyball has definitely not been an easy thing to do. 

Even though 2015 had some truly difficult times, there were also amazing and beautiful moments as well. My relationship with my parents, which has never been bad or anything, grew so much. They are truly my best friends, I know I could not have survived the past six months if it weren't for them. My teammates at Texas Tech, became so much more than just teammates, they became family. My new Lubbock family was there for me in ways they probably don't even realize. I cannot thank them enough for dragging me out of bed for movie marathons, for taco tuesdays, for bringing me candy after my doctor's appointments, for letting me crash on their couches when I didn't want to be alone, and for letters slipped under my door. My athletic trainer, Imelda Garcia, who is truly God's gift to the world, had to deal with me more than anyone should ever have to. I cannot thank her enough for everything from going with me to every doctor's appointment and MRI with me, for not letting me run away when that was all I wanted to do, and for just being a shoulder to cry on. The world needs more Imelda's. I also got to take the most amazing trip ever in 2015. I got to go to the city of my dreams, London. It was even more magical than I imagined. I am already planning when I can go back because it was the most perfect week ever. 

I spent too long the past few months throwing a pity party for myself, I only saw the negative of the past year, but now I realize how much positive existed this past year. It was one of the hardest years of my life, but also one of the most important. So for everyone that I crossed paths with this year, thank you. No matter how big or small of a role you played, you impacted my life and I thank you for that. 

I encourage everyone to reflect on this past year and see the positive not the negative. I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and happy New Year!

Here are some of my favorite memories of 2015!

Love,

Morgan Renee

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